Tory MPs have discovered the most Tory way of ‘going green’

Greg Hands constituency flyer


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What does ‘going green’ mean to you? On a personal level, it could mean making an effort to recycle more, cutting back on meat, or favouring public transport. On the national level, it could mean expanding renewable energy production, planting more trees, or launching the nation’s top fossil fuel executives into the sun. But what does it mean when a Tory MP ‘goes green’?

Would you be surprised to learn that it’s none of the above?

By the way: if the second tweet down says ‘potentially sensitive content’, it’s not unsafe to view: it’s just more Tory flyers. Why the website formerly known as ‘Twitter’ considers these Tories and their lying Tory faces to be something decent people might not want to see unexpectedly we couldn’t tell you, but they’re absolutely correct to think that.

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The ‘Green’ party

Now, we don’t know about you, but when it comes to political branding, the party we associate with the colour green is the Green Party. Initially, we weren’t sure why that was, but when we had a good, hard think about it, we realised that it’s literally in the fucking name.

The tweet above was from Jenny Jones of the Green Party, who also had this to say:

Tory MPs’ green flyers

Twitter/X user Ian Collins helpfully rounded up a selection of the UK’s greenest Tories. Not all of them are recent, but to be fair Tory-membership has always been embarrassing.

Siobhan Baillie is so green that she blends in with this pastoral landscape:

James Cleverly has cleverly avoided any mention of the words ‘Tory’ or ‘capitalist swine’ in his leaflet. With smarts and green credentials like that, it’s no wonder he’s the MP for Braintree:

Marco Longhi MP is offering advice at his MP’s surgery – chief among that advice presumably being to never, ever admit you’re a Tory:

Collins also had to issue a retraction, as it turns out Greg Hands MP isn’t completely embarassed to admit he’s a Tory – just mostly embarassed:

Tory Excuses

We know that none of you believe the Tories have gone green, but would you believe they have an excuse for their blatant greenwashing? Here’s Chris Clarkson MP to explain why anyone confused on the matter of Tory MPs’ green flyers is simply a “lunatic”:

Ah yes – rules – those things that British politicians are famous for following.

According to Wales Online, there have only been a handful of instances in which UK politicians bent their rules to their advantage. Oh no – we read the article wrong – these are just a selection of the worst ones that have happened since 2020. Wales Online summarised each scandal as follows:

  1. ‘I drank far too much’ and ’embarrassed myself and other people’ (the scandal in which a Tory MP was accused of groping various men).
  2. Tractorgate (the scandal in which a Tory MP was caught watching porn in the Commons chamber).
  3. Owen Paterson (the scandal in which a MP seemingly went on a speedrun to break all of the lobbying rules).
  4. David Cameron (the scandal in which our former prime minister went to work for Greensill Capital and used his position to – unsuccessfully) influence the government).
  5. Partygate (the scandal in which a bunch of Tories of all stripes partied like it was Covid-1999 while the rest of us got on with dying).

Wales Online lists a further 17 scandals, but let’s not forget other big scandals such as MP’s expenses (a scandal which arguably never ended). Given all this, it’s clearly very easy for politicians to get away with bending the rules. Even if it wasn’t, Labour MP Karl Turner has disputed Clarkson’s account:

Green in the face

Turner also got in on the fun by calling out Suella Braverman:

To be fair to Braverman, she has been spending a lot of time on sea vessels of dubious structural integrity, so the green on her flyers might simply represent her sea sickness:

We’re sure most of these Tories can come up with a hundred reasons why they’re using the colour green on their promotional materials. Unfortunately for them, they don’t seem to have any reasons why you should vote Tory.

Featured image via Greg Hands – screengrab

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