All aboard the general election express: Sunak and Davey battle it out for who’s the biggest, scummiest c*nt

All aboard the general election buffoonery express. Barely a week into the frenzy of election lead-up and “man of the people” Rishi Sunak has hit the campaign trail – or in this instance, track. As with every election season, Tory campaign HQ are wracking their desperately vacuous brains for media-grabbing gold-dust. Unfortunately, the Lib Dems seem to have taken a leaf out of the Tories book, too.

Off to a strong start, so far Sunak has (bizarrely) sniffed a loaf of bread in Morrison’s and blundered on Wales footy in the Euros. Then there was his visit to the Titanic birthplace in the most (presumably) unintentionally, but deliciously on-the-nose metaphor for the sinking ship that is his Tory premiership.

So of course, it could only get better from there, right? Wrong.

Next stop: Sunak’s scummy sleeper train stunt

From one train crash to another, in his latest publicity gimmick, Sunak has ditched the private jets, to travel in true-blue Tory publicity stunt style. From the once chancellor of the exchequer who brought you the “confounded by a contactless credit card” skit, now in “rich toff learns to be a regular human”, the millionaire prime minister brings you: trains.

You read that right, jet-setter Sunak boarded a real-life sleeper to Cornwall overnight for the general election. Cue the cringey photo op. In fact, Sunak seemed positively gleeful after his little plebian tour – so much so, he simply couldn’t wait to show the kids:

Q: You got the sleeper train here & not the chopper… why the train?

Rishi Sunak: “The train was great… I’ve been taking lots of pictures & videos & sending them back to the kids.. ” pic.twitter.com/0mwso6ooxW

— Haggis_UK 🇬🇧 🇪🇺 (@Haggis_UK) May 29, 2024

Naturally, people on X delighted over this latest campaign train-wreck:

‘I’m very excited about this!’ Following the huge success of the weird rolled-up sleeves and the weird football-scarf-wearing, Rishi Sunak continues his Man Of The People tour by boarding a train in the style of someone who has never boarded a train before. https://t.co/jKKQhw8Oy2

— Nicholas Pegg (@NicholasPegg) May 29, 2024

Moreover, if it seemed like Sunak was acting like a train virgin, that’s likely because he is:

This morning we were greeted by a photo op of Rishi Sunak getting off a sleeper train wearing a back pack, to shift the perception/fact that he uses private jets and helicopters the way the rest of us use the bus. #GE2024 #PoliticsLive pic.twitter.com/Sgo1OcfxOn

— paulusthewoodgnome 🇺🇦💙 (@woodgnomology) May 29, 2024

Predictably, Sunak performed his very best ‘ordinary, everyday’ man impression en route. Sporting a grey hoodie and backpack, pictures showed the prime minister strolling down a suspiciously empty platform:

Sunak evacuates the entire platform for his ‘look at me, I’m a man of the people taking a train’ shots. pic.twitter.com/oi2v4N9tEY

— Farage’s Cat 🐈😺Says #VoteLabour (@FaragesCat) May 29, 2024

Sunak’s farewell tour is just him performing regular-people activities for the first time in his life.
Today: getting on a train.
Tomorrow: getting a key cut. https://t.co/KhRNaEkQM0

— Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives (@darren_cullen) May 29, 2024

This train terminates at the next station…

Evidently, people dragging Sunak over his frivolous journeys via chopper and tax-payer funded flights got to Tory campaign HQ now the election scramble has begun. Consequently, Sunak has attempted to defy his “train-shy”, “out of touch” persona. However, as one poster pointed out, after his nice little train gander, he’ll only go hop on a helicopter tomorrow:

🚨Rishi Sunak – a pleb like us

Slums on a sleeper train messaging his girls of how wondrous it all is ❤️

⚠️back to reality

He’s done a hoodie publicity election photo stunt & will be back in the Tory donor funded helicopter & private jet tomorrow#ToryGaslighting #Sunakered pic.twitter.com/bf9aH4O40F

— kerry ✊💙Save Our NHS (@hewitson10) May 29, 2024

Others couldn’t help but highlight the irony of Sunak’s special rail spectacle after his government canceled stretches of HS2:

Yes, Mr Sunak, this is what we call ‘a train’

Sorry, we can’t have one in front and behind full of security men, and no, there isn’t a ‘take-off time’

There was a plan for a high speed one to run as far as Leeds but somebody’s government stopped it when only the London bit done https://t.co/OUkTWxphZV

— Tim Edwards (@PSI_TimEd) May 29, 2024

What’s the likelihood of him jumping aboard a train for the next leg? Of course, there is one thing Sunak’s campaign is on track for – and that’s a colossal defeat, as new Yougov polling showed:

LATEST POLLING
Labour has extended its lead over the @Conservatives, according to the first @YouGov poll of campaign for @SkyNews

LABOUR IS 27 POINTS AHEAD of the Tories

5 weeks of Tory lies left
But they’re getting in a quick sale of Royal Mail to Czech billionaire !! pic.twitter.com/e6x9tGuYt2

— Carol Vorderman (@carolvorders) May 29, 2024 

Up shit’s creek without a general election paddle

However, Sunak wasn’t the only one at the cringeworthy campaign shenanigans. While Sunak was discovering his new post-election trainspotting hobby, Liberal Democrats leader Ed Davey has been clowning about in the Lake District.

On Tuesday 28 May, Davey drew the media to his anti-sewage antics on Lake Windermere. There, he thought it a nifty election stunt to stage falling into a sewage-filled lake.

So, as people have been coming down sick from contaminated drinking water, the Lib Dem leader was neck-high in shit-infested waters. What’s more, the shameless wannabe Boris Johnson in yellow tie actually admitted it was an intentional election ploy.

However, people weren’t impressed with Davey larking about in the Lake District while people are genuinely struggling under the toxic Tory government:

What is Ed Davey 😳 doing, a GE, ppl are really struggling and he’s doing stunts on a paddle board. Throwing himself into the water 💧. Does he not get this is important to so many. What a 🤡

— Alexandria the Scot. (@SandraToFriends) May 28, 2024

As veteran parody politician Count Binface raised, people haven’t forgotten that the Lib Dems sold voters down the river to jump into bed with the Tories either:

Ed Davey falls into sewage-filled Lake Windermere and has to swallow a whole load of shit. Should remind him of the coalition years. pic.twitter.com/VloeYFB1Ej

— Count Binface (@CountBinface) May 28, 2024

Clearly, Davey’s channeling of Johnson knows no bounds – as on Wednesday 29 May he was free-wheeling through a Welsh town centre:

Sir Ed Davey has joined Jane Dodds in Knighton, Powys, as the Liberal Democrats launch their general election campaign in Wales. pic.twitter.com/V7FSLTUiZ8

— LBC News Wales (@LBCNewsWales) May 29, 2024

It remains to be seen which one is the bigger cunt:

General election cosplay won’t cut it

At the end of the day, these slimy politicians are simply cosplaying like people that give a crap about the general public – because it’s a general election.

However, their barefaced media stunts can’t rehabilitate years of Tory pandemic corruption and callous, fascistic policies, the Lib Dem’s coalition carnage, or Davey’s role in the Post Office scandal.

If there’s any light at the end of the tunnel, it’s that Sunak and his shit party are on a one-track service to the end of the line, and with any luck, the yellow Tories won’t be far behind.

Feature image via the Canary