Nervous Starmer stooge fails to defend water privatisation disaster

The Tories are out of power now, but their toxic legacy remains. While much of this ‘toxicity’ is figurative, in the case of the environment it’s very much literal, with tonnes of raw sewage clogging up our waterways thanks to water privatisation. Some people hoped the Labour Party would fix this mess; others predicted they’d allow the water companies to carry on getting away with it. So, enter Steve Reed.

While we can’t say Labour will be as bad as the Tories, we do know their plan is to make the same water companies who caused the problem responsible for fixing it:

Govt minister Steve Reed says Thames Water remains financially viable & theres no need to have undue concerns.

How about concern that the private water companies have extracted £57bn since privatisation while loading debt onto the industry, & you're happy to leave them in place. pic.twitter.com/Ni3ZXqWOWf

— Saul Staniforth (@SaulStaniforth) July 28, 2024

Hopefully Labour won’t extend this luxury to every criminal in the country, or we might see violent criminals performing surgery on their victims.

Reed in the reeds

Steve Reed has served as Streatham and Croydon North’s MP since 2012. In July this year, Starmer made him secretary of state for environment, food, and rural affairs. He’s currently very excited about their plans to ‘charge water bosses and ban their bonuses’:

The Labour Government will secure the biggest-ever investment to fix our broken water system, boosting economic growth and creating thousands of jobs across the country as we clean up our polluted waterways. pic.twitter.com/CaGqcb08sG

— Steve Reed MP (@SteveReedMP) July 28, 2024

Writing in the Mail on Sunday – an outlet which pumps out more sewage than the water companies – Reed writes:

Our water industry is broken. The previous government deliberately weakened regulators, while water companies spent customers’ money on bonuses and dividends instead of investing in fixing our crumbling sewage system.

The result is record levels of toxic raw sewage polluting Britain’s once pristine rivers, lakes, and seas. This is a scandal.

It is a scandal, yes. We should never have had water privatisation. Even for those who think privatisation is a good idea, there’s acknowledgement that nationalising water doesn’t work, because each water company is a ‘natural monopoly’ with no competition – i.e. you either pay your local provider or you die of thirst.

Let’s see what else Reed had to say:

Instead of protecting our waterways, the water companies paid out multi-million-pound bonuses. It was more profitable to let the pollution flow rather than fix the broken pipes, and regulation was too weak to stop them.

This should never have been allowed to happen, and with our new Labour government, it will never happen again.

Yes, Steve Reed – let’s smash these unscrupulous, sewage-pumping shit lords!

Oh wait, there’s another sentence:

We will turn the tide on the destruction of our waterways and make the water companies protect the interests of their customers and the environment once again.

Oh, okay. So you’re not going to take the UK’s most valuable commodity out of the hands of our least worthy bastards. Not only that, but you’re going to pretend that once upon a time the water companies ‘protected the interests of their customers and the environment’.

Reed continues:

Within a week of the General Election, water companies signed up to Labour’s initial package of reforms including ringfencing investment to fix the sewage system so it can’t be syphoned off for bonuses or dividend payments.

Stronger regulation creates a level playing field that will help secure £88 billion of private-sector investment to start cleaning up our waterways.

That’s the biggest ever investment in our water sector and it will boost economic growth and create thousands of good, well-paid jobs right across the country.

It’s the second biggest private sector investment into a sector during the course of this parliament.

So Reed isn’t denying these companies were ‘siphoning off money for bonuses’ thanks to water privatisation; he isn’t denying these companies befouled our waterways. Don’t worry, though, because they’ve agreed to stop doing the filthy things which made them so filthy rich, and we can trust them because…

Because why, Steve Reed?

Because of the following, apparently, as explained by Reed:

If any water company fails to spend money earmarked for investment, they will pay it back to their customers thanks to the reforms I’ve already introduced.

I will give the regulators more teeth with the new laws I’m introducing into Parliament.

Water bosses responsible for repeated illegal sewage dumping will face criminal charges, and I’ll ban the payment of their multi-million-pound bonuses until they clean up their toxic filth.

Admittedly, some of this sounds half-decent.

Water bosses facing “criminal charges”? Yes please.

But let’s look at what he’s saying in a little more detail – especially as the water companies seemed suspiciously eager to sign up to Labour’s “initial package”.

Firstly, let’s re-examine this bit (emphasis added):

Water bosses responsible for repeated illegal sewage dumping will face criminal charges

“Repeated”, he says. Repeated.

That normal, for crime is it? That the criminality only kicks in after you’ve committed several observable acts? Are the first three murders free, for example? Can you burn down four buildings before it’s arson?

Furthermore, how will Labour define ‘repeatedly’? Would it be once a week for six months, allowing water companies to dump fortnightly? Would it be seven days in a row, allowing them to dump six days a week? Who knows, but the fine print on any upcoming legislation will require significant scrutiny.

The second section worth examining is this:

I’ll ban the payment of their multi-million-pound bonuses until they clean up their toxic filth

So assumption one is that they’re still going to dump some level of toxic filth; assumption two is they’re still going to get “multi-million pound bonuses”. But don’t worry, because Labour will make them do some sort of clean up before they get the money. And we’re sure that will solve the problem. We’re sure they won’t just skim the filth off the top while ignoring the growing pollution beneath – the invisible disaster which is building up as we speak.

Steve Reed: barely making a splash

On 28 July, Reed did a round of Sunday interviews. Much like his boss Keir Starmer, he appeared nervous and robotic. He had good reason to be nervous, too, as the competent Victoria Derbyshire was filling in for the less than competent Laura Kuenssberg. As a result, we got some idea of what “repeated illegal sewage dumping” will look like:

Victoria Derbyshire: "How many times will [water bosses] be able to illegally dump sewage into our waterways before they're charged?"

Steve Reed says that will be decided in legislation but they will be held accountable for "persistent" dumping #BBCLauraK pic.twitter.com/4Npw9obL3b

— Saul Staniforth (@SaulStaniforth) July 28, 2024

“Persistent”, he said. So it’s probably safe to assume that dumping will continue; there’ll just be a predictable pause every time a water company veers too close towards legislative ‘persistence’.

He also confirmed that Labour isn’t considering nationalising Thames Water which has faced significant financial issues:

Govt minister Steve Reed says Thames Water remains financially viable & theres no need to have undue concerns.

How about concern that the private water companies have extracted £57bn since privatisation while loading debt onto the industry, & you're happy to leave them in place. pic.twitter.com/Ni3ZXqWOWf

— Saul Staniforth (@SaulStaniforth) July 28, 2024

Yes, no need for concern – it’s not like we’ve seen multiple areas suffering from contaminated drinking water in the past 12 months – oh, wait:

So at exactly the same moment @WaterUK the water industry's Ministry of Truth, is telling parliament @CommonsEAC everything is fine, nothing to worry about, we've got this in hand, residents in the South West have being told to boil their drinking water.

What a bloody shambles. https://t.co/L7QuyumM50

— Feargal Sharkey (@Feargal_Sharkey) May 15, 2024

Guest Stephen Fry expressed an opinion which is held by pretty much everyone who isn’t a water company executive or Labour MP:

“Not to have control of our water always struck me as insane”

Actor and writer Stephen Fry responds to Environment Secretary Steve Reed’s interview on water pollution and says the water industry should be nationalised
#BBCLauraK https://t.co/DM9e02dghy pic.twitter.com/hqNl2m38Bx

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) July 28, 2024

Many others have similar opinions, although they’re expressing them less politely than Mr Fry:

Steve Reed env sec and All round dullard says nationalising water companies would slow up the clean up and cost too much

Yep, another fucking clueless wanker in parliament

Don't worry labour voters, you'll just have to suck it up.

But they'll strengthen the regulator

Clowns

— Phil Waller (@Davejones0305) July 11, 2024

Whose mess is it anyway?

Reed ends his article by saying this:

The public are right to demand that our rivers should be flowing with clean water rather than with sewage. Labour will quite literally clean up the Tories’ mess.

But you won’t, though, will you. You’ve ‘quite literally’ just spent the entire article saying you’re going to make the water bosses do it in exchange for mutli-million pound bonuses.

Business as usual, then?

Our waterways might become less toxic than under the Tories, but we’re not advising you take a fresh water dip any time soon.

Featured image via Sky News (YouTube) – Tony Webster (Wikipedia)