Desperate PM talks bull in a china shop

We’re now mere days away from Theresa May’s Brexit deal/career being voted into oblivion. In a desperate attempt to cling on to both, the PM has given yet another speech. This time she chose to spout her bull in a china shop.

Mugs

Feeling more anxious than ever, May pulled out the big guns. She warned:

If my proposal isn’t voted through, there will be a no-deal Brexit. Although, I would simultaneously like to warn the Brexiteers that if my deal doesn’t go through, there will be no Brexit at all. Basically – no matter what you’re worried about – the only way of avoiding it is to vote for me.

As the speech trundled on, the PM became even more distressed, and began rambling:

Remember those killer seagulls from a few years ago? I’ve been personally shooing the foul birds away, and if you vote me out, they’ll be back before you can say ‘hostile environment’.

She concluded by pleading:

Oh, go on! Just vote for it! It’s not that bad, is it? It’s certainly no shitter than anything else I’ve heard.

You Brexit, you pay for it 

Since her speech, May has been going around parliament – offering to buy MPs snacks on her expenses. In response to this, one Labour MP remarked:

It’s rather sad, really. By which I mean fully deserved, obviously – the massive, hate-spreading bastard.

 

Featured image via screengrab