Carillion accepts £47bn payment to build Boris’s bridge to France

John Shafthauer

People have pointed out several problems with Boris’s idea for a Channel Bridge between Britain and France:

  1. It would cross one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world.
  2. It would require access to some sort of magic money tree.
  3. It was devised by Boris Johnson – a man who is to rational thought what an electric eel is to bath toys.

Yet there was one company that was willing to take the project on. And that company is Carillion.

Disaster capitalism

After it was announced that Carillion had been handed the contract, a gaggle of reporters mobbed the current CEO. One of them asked if Carillion would be able to deliver on this contract.

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.




“We’re certainly willing to claim that we are,” he answered.

Another asked if this was just a backhand way of ensuring that bosses got the bonuses they’d been denied.

“And then some,” he agreed.

Another asked if Carillion was even capable of delivering such an ambitious project given its reputation for being terrible.

“We’re expecting that anyone who’d use the bridge will have left the country by the time it’s finished, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it holding up.”

A bridge too far?

Theresa May famously said that, if you’re a citizen of the world, then you’re a citizen of nowhere. The good news for those citizens is that the likelihood of this project being finished means we’ll soon have a bridge to nowhere – enabling them to drive home at their leisure.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Pixabay / Wikimedia – Kuhlmann/MSC (image was altered)

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed