North Korean peace talks in jeopardy as Boris Johnson offers to help out
Despite having all the negotiating finesse of a coke-sniffing gorilla, Donald Trump has managed to arrange peace talks with North Korea. It’s too early to tell if it’s down to his tactics; it could be that North Korea thinks it’s become a big enough threat to charge the world protection money.
One thing is certain, though – namely that this circus has enough clowns already. But that isn’t stopping Boris Johnson.
Send in the twat
Boris Johnson is constantly torn between his lust for power and the realisation that he couldn’t run a raffle. But with Theresa May looking like she could be toppled by a distant fart, Johnson is once more having to present himself as leadership material.
The problem is that he doesn’t have any ideas, skills, or talents. And as such, he’s forced to put himself adjacent to important politics in the hope people think he’s involved.
Is this yours?
Johnson was found by soldiers in the demilitarised zone between the two Koreas. Apparently, he’s been staking out the potential meeting spot – living in the bushes – surviving on lizards and rainwater.
The foreign secretary planned on running up to Trump and Kim as the talks were happening. His hope was that:
- He’d be pictured as part of the talks.
- No one would shoot him, because they’d assume he was Trump’s weird nephew.
When asked if Johnson was at risk of being shot, a North Korean army captain said:
The risk isn’t over. He’s very annoying.
Unfortunately for the UK, the soldiers resisted the urge, and will be sending him home in the morning.
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via Bundesministerium für Europa, Integration und Äußeres – Wikimedia
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.