The Off The Perch guide to potential second referendum questions

Woman with thumb up in front of EU flag
John Shafthauer

As clever journalists have pointed out, choosing the questions for a second referendum would be difficult.

Everyone knows what questions they’d pick – namely the ones which would tip things in their favour. But what options are actually on the table?

Neverendum

The options as we see them are:

  • Leave but with no explanation of how so that everyone can claim to represent the true voice of leaving.
  • Remain but be a real dick about it – instructing the PM to sulk and huff at EU summits – just like usual.
  • Put a pin in it for 12 months and have another referendum then.
  • Norway+.
  • Finland ribbed.
  • Just stop answering the phone when the EU calls.
  • British Empire on figurative steroids.
  • British Empire on literal steroids.
  • Pretend we never voted to leave in the first place and just turn up in Brussels, like nothing happened.
  • Start our own EU and call it the ‘Cool Guys European Union Super Club’.
  • We remain but all the other countries leave.
  • Join the Soviet Union.
  • Find a better island and all go and live on that.
  • Leave but we rig our politicians up to a bomb that will go off if our quality of life doesn’t maintain a consistent level of alrightness.
  • Leave but everyone wears a beret and we pretend that we’re France to annoy the French.
  • Remain, no backsies.
  • We’ll do whatever you say if you just please stop making us fucking vote for things. Every time we do it only makes things worse!
Habit

Regardless of how we vote, we probably will have another referendum. Because, you know what, fuck it – why not? Let’s stop pretending we need a reason and just admit this is who we are now – a nation of vote junkies.

Featured image via pixabay (IMAGE WAS ALTERED)

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John Shafthauer