Theresa May uploads her CV to Monster.com

Theresa May's CV
Support us and go ad-free

Having sensed which way the wind is blowing, Theresa May has uploaded her curriculum vitae to Monster.com. As you can imagine, the document makes interesting reading – seeming more like a cry for help than anything.

CV

May writes:

EDUCATION

  • My education was worth a lot of money – presumably that means it was good? I certainly thought so at the time, but if it was, then why am I like this?

WORK HISTORY

  • I worked long term for a famous organisation. Please don’t look up which – just take my word for it. We did a lot of… things. Possibly not good things, but certainly things of note.

SKILLS

  • I can sense a foreign person from several counties away. They told me to stop saying that, but it’s true. I can feel them out there – breathing my air, building my sandcastles, making me think these bad thoughts. It’s enough to make a woman commission a fleet of xenophobic vans.
  • As bad as I was, I was still regarded as being the most competent person at my last place of employment. Let that sink in.

HOBBIES

  • Coming up with catchy slogans.
  • Running through fields of wheat.
  • Institutional racism.
No job too small

Of course, May could use this as an opportunity to retire. She isn’t one just to give up, though. She really should be, and yet she just keeps on going regardless.

Read on...

Featured image via EU 2017EE Estonian Presidency – WikimediaPublicDomainPictures

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us