Britons are shocked today, because a Tory has finally admitted to doing something wrong. Amber Rudd conceded that Universal Credit might have increased foodbank use. Before you get too excited, however, it’s worth pointing out two things:
- The issue was already widely accepted by everyone but the Tories.
- It’s just the tip of the Universal Credit shitberg.
Off The Perch caught up with the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) boss, Amber Rudd, to ask more:
OTP: So you’ve admitted to something that everyone already knew.
AR: Thank you – yes – I do deserve praise.
OTP: Yeah… that’s not really what we’re saying. Although we are wondering if you’ll also admit to all the other things the DWP is doing wrong?
AR: It’s pronounced ‘right’.
AR: Ah, you’re talking about the UN reports? Those reports were all a bit political, I’m afraid.
OTP: Well, I mean, yeah… it’s a political operation; you’re a political party; the result of your actions is politics.
AR: No, I mean it was political in a biased way.
OTP: You mean it gave more weight to disabled people’s rights than your right to systematically abuse them?
AR: Well, I wouldn’t phrase it like that, but basically, yes. I don’t really know what the UN’s problem is. The British media is generally pretty balanced on these issues.
OTP: They are in the sense you mean, yes. I wonder if that’s why you’re admitting to the increased foodbank use – confessing to the most outwardly obvious issue to distract from the underlying horror beneath?
AR: For the last time, there is no underlying horror at the DWP!
OTP: Oh really? So how come you smell of sulphur since you took the job?
AR: It’s an… experimental deodorant. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and change people’s lives.
OTP: For the better?
Shit and run
Rudd left without answering the final question. Despite her earlier claims to the contrary, she exited via some sort of hell-mouth that opened beneath her. She later denied it being a ‘hell-mouth’ – referring to it as an ‘ordinary mouth’.
Featured image via WorldSkills UK – Flickr
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?