Tories blaming Tories for Tory mess

Images of an increasingly blurred Sajid Javid eating popcorn
John Shafthauer


In 2016, we held the EU referendum despite having no plan for leaving. This meant we ended up having to do a Brexit with no plan for leaving. And now the Tories’ inability to reconcile their competing ideas has well and truly hit the fan.

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Tory vs Tory

This is the list of things Tories want from Brexit:

  • Some sort of Norway+ type thing.
  • HARD FUCKING BREXIT!
  • To fudge it through so the PM can get on with proving she’s more than just the PM who fudged Brexit.
  • HARD BREXIT WITH A MAGICAL IRISH BORDER!
  • To have our cake and eat it.
  • To have other people’s cakes and eat those too.
  • A BREXIT SO HARD IT CAUSES A RIFT IN TIME – CREATING A NEW TIMELINE IN WHICH THE BRITISH EMPIRE NEVER DISBANDED AND ROBO-WINSTON CHURCHILL RULES THE GALAXY WITH AN IRON FIST!
  • Just whatever at this point – get the bastard done so we can get back to tormenting the poor.
  • HARD REMAIN!
You Brexit, you pay for it

The Tories are in an unenviable position. Their position, however, is far less unenviable than the one they’ve put ordinary Britons in. At the end of the day – when they’re done fucking up Brexit – they’ll go back to their castles and live long and ghastly lives.

So fuck them, in other words. They caused this; they own it; they deserve it.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Rlevente / Flickr – Gareth Milner

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