Grayling ferry company bids for Hunt’s proposed navy expansion

Image of empty sea. Two fingers point at the empty water - one reads 'GRAYLING FERRY' and the other one 'GRAYLING WARSHIP'
John Shafthauer

Because he needs to look tough, Jeremy Hunt is proposing that we expand the navy. Although, to be fair, this is a picture of him in Britain’s last warship:

Could building more boats be a boon for British manufacturing? Probably not. Because like all important Tory projects, Chris Grayling has been put in charge for some reason.

Lost at sea

Grayling immediately awarded the contract to the ferry company that didn’t have any ferries – that’s Noboats Incorporated. They’ve assured journalists that they’ve upped their game since then, however. They even put on a little display.

“Thank you for coming to our demonstration,” the Noboats rep said. “Now if you look to the pond beside us, you can see our latest experiment.”

Initially, people didn’t know where to look. They couldn’t see anything floating in the water besides a plank of timber. It turned out this was the demonstration, though.

“It’s called wood,” the rep explained. “Through extensive testing, we’ve discovered that it floats. By nailing several hundred thousand of these so-called ‘planks’ together, we believe we can construct a fully operational dreadnought battleship. Although we will need several more billion pounds on top of what we’ve already billed you for. Up front. No refunds.”

Sunk

Thankfully, Grayling didn’t have the authority to action this yet. He possibly won’t in future. Unless Johnson puts him in charge of something, of course, which he definitely will, because this country is cursed.

Featured image via Public Domain Pictures / pexels

Get involved

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us
John Shafthauer