Because he needs to look tough, Jeremy Hunt is proposing that we expand the navy. Although, to be fair, this is a picture of him in Britain’s last warship:
Could building more boats be a boon for British manufacturing? Probably not. Because like all important Tory projects, Chris Grayling has been put in charge for some reason.
Lost at sea
Grayling immediately awarded the contract to the ferry company that didn’t have any ferries – that’s Noboats Incorporated. They’ve assured journalists that they’ve upped their game since then, however. They even put on a little display.
“Thank you for coming to our demonstration,” the Noboats rep said. “Now if you look to the pond beside us, you can see our latest experiment.”
Initially, people didn’t know where to look. They couldn’t see anything floating in the water besides a plank of timber. It turned out this was the demonstration, though.
“It’s called wood,” the rep explained. “Through extensive testing, we’ve discovered that it floats. By nailing several hundred thousand of these so-called ‘planks’ together, we believe we can construct a fully operational dreadnought battleship. Although we will need several more billion pounds on top of what we’ve already billed you for. Up front. No refunds.”
Thankfully, Grayling didn’t have the authority to action this yet. He possibly won’t in future. Unless Johnson puts him in charge of something, of course, which he definitely will, because this country is cursed.
Featured image via Public Domain Pictures / pexels