Trump declares “Whole Milk Is Back” as administration spirals

Already this year, we’ve seen the Trump administration:

Not to worry, though, because “whole milk is back”, as this post from the White House demonstrates:

Whole milk is back. 🥛 pic.twitter.com/kHf51s5qwX

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) January 15, 2026

So, what on Earth is going on here?

Milkies

If you’re not an American, your first thought may be: “So they banned whole milk over there?”

The answer to that is ‘no’, they did not, as many people have pointed out:

whole milk never went away. you can literally get it at any grocery store or gas station right now. what the fuck are they even talking about man https://t.co/bZHsQiSuzE

— C (@coltonxskaggs) January 16, 2026

Okay, so they have whole milk, but is it ‘great’?

According to Trump, it is not:

They ran out of culture war stuff so they’re just making shit up now https://t.co/Ri2IDE6E36

— evan loves worf (@esjesjesj) January 16, 2026

According to a video from health secretary RFK Jr, meanwhile, a single slurp of whole milk has the same effects as a bump of MDMA:

🥛 pic.twitter.com/QUeSfR7EC8

— Secretary Kennedy (@SecKennedy) January 15, 2026

Okay, so let’s review. We’ve got:

Tweets from Trump suggesting whole milk is both back and great.
A tweet from RFK Jr. suggesting whole milk is the new drug of choice for zoomer rave kids.

Can you guess what this campaign is advertising?

That’s right, American schools will be allowed to serve a wider range of cow milk and milk substitutes, including whole and soy.

But you probably guessed that already, right?

No doubt that you looked at the AI video of a drugged out RFK Jr. and thought “this must have something to do with my kids’ nutrition“.

Trump and his cabinet love ‘Health’

As reported by the Guardian, there are conflicting reports on how healthy whole milk is for growing children. At the same time, it’s probably not going to impact most kids, because modern humans generally avoid glugging down full fat milk.

The most suspicious thing about the whole milk announcement is that RFK Jr. is the one announcing it. As we never fail to point out, RFK Jr. is willing to gamble with the health of others in the face of official advice:

RFK Jr. swims in DC's sewage-tainted Rock Creek with his grandchildren despite a National Park Service bacteria warning. pic.twitter.com/3MpVf1AqYU

— Molly Ploofkins (@Mollyploofkins) May 13, 2025

RFK Jr. is also being mocked for introducing a new ‘upside down’ food pyramid, which was literally a joke on South Park before it became official US advice:

🇺🇸 SEC. RFK JR. DROPS THE NEW PYRAMID: PROTEIN AND FATS TAKE THE THRONE

Introducing the new food pyramid from Sec. RFK Jr.

Protein, dairy, and healthy fats now sit proudly at the top, with the department officially ending the decades-long "war on protein."

Every meal should… pic.twitter.com/8ju98olF8b

— Mario Nawfal (@MarioNawfal) January 8, 2026

The greatest American health controversy this week, however, was this:

RFK Jr. is experimenting on babies in the African nation Guinea-Bissau. https://t.co/WF3B2VBWDd

— Margaret Kimberley (@freedomrideblog) January 16, 2026

Tuskegee was a forty year experiment on untreated syphilis which the US conducted on unwitting Black Americans. Treatments were available, by the way, but the government purposefully didn’t offer them to observe the effects.

The new study would have involved withholding vaccines. Thankfully, the test is now cancelled:

But cancelled today. https://t.co/RJigplShi2

— Margaret Kimberley (@freedomrideblog) January 16, 2026

One person who may not be happy about this is Nigel Farage, who has voiced his doubts on modern vaccines having any benefits.

While we can’t confirm if you should drink whole milk or not, we can say that RFK Jr. seems to like it, and he’s certainly what you might call a ‘medical marvel‘.

Featured image via White House

Tags: US