The royals ducking the World Cup final has prompted more calls to ‘abolish the monarchy’

King Charles smiling and holding a jar of liquid


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On Sunday 20 August, the English women’s football team – a.k.a. The Lionesses – faced off against Spain in the World Cup final. Sadly, they lost 1-0. The game drew attention for one unfortunate reason, however, as people noticed certain others didn’t attend – namely ‘prince’ William, ‘king’ Charles, and the PM. It’s just one more reason why people are demanding we #AbolishTheMonarchy:

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They’re staying home, they’re staying home, they’re staying…

If you’re unfamiliar with women’s football, it’s like men’s football, only the players don’t stop every 40 seconds to pretend they’re injured. If anything, these women have gone too far and are pretending not to be injured:

So, England fans marched to watch the game at Sydney Harbour:

Prince William let the squad know he couldn’t be there in person – presumably because he couldn’t get time off work from the job he’s never had:

Rishi Sunak also couldn’t be there – presumably because he couldn’t get time off work from the job he was never voted in to do:

It’s unclear what would happen if Sunak spent a day doing something other than failing to run the country (just not that unclear given he went to Disneyland earlier this month).

Unwelcome but expected

To be fair, the absolute last people I’d want attending an event are the royals or the Tories. People have rightly pointed out a discrepancy, however:

This last tweet gets something wrong – namely that these men would “pay thousands” to see anything. In reality, they’d get free tickets and we’d pay for their armed escort.

People had other criticisms too:

Some have pointed out that we shouldn’t be encouraging these people to take more private plane trips:

One person had a solution which should keep everyone happy – everyone except our “workshy” royals:

The uncommon wealth

King Charles does at least have an excuse for not wanting to visit Australia:

Should he be allowed to avoid such challenges, though? I’m a traditionalist, personally, in that I think anyone wants to call themselves the monarch should have to physically prove their superiority in physical combat. We’d let that go on for an afternoon until all the dickheads had slain each other, and then the rest of us would get on with running a proper, grown up country.

A more civilised form of physical combat is football, and we congratulate the Lionesses on their amazing run in the World Cup. Even though they were runners-up, the fact that they earned their place there shows they’re superior to the king and the PM.

Featured image via Andy Gott – Flick (cropped to 770 x 403)

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