Count Binface sorts through Clacton’s political waste

The race for the Clacton parliamentary by-election looks as though it will come down to just two candidates. One is a sad caricature of a fascist who’s making a vicious mockery of democracy in the UK. The other wears a bin on his head (AKA Count Binface).

Nigel Farage triggered the by-election after dramatically quitting his seat on 7 July. The far-right leader was facing multiple investigations and scandals at the time, including:

The official investigation, at the very least, has to halt whilst Farage is no longer an MP. However, it will resume if he’s ‘successful’ in the by-election, landing the Reform leading straight back in the shit. Oh, and it just so happens that all of the major political parties are boycotting the contest.

Cue Count Binface, Clacton’s most prominent alternative to re-electing a racist grifter by default. But just who is Binface? What are his policies on waste collection? Did anybody care who he was until he put on the bin?

Join us, the Canary, as we take a trip through the genesis of one of the top-twenty most ridiculous figures in UK politics.

We promise to remain serious. Mostly.

It’s about democracy, probably

Count Binface is part of a mostly-proud UK tradition of standing novelty candidates in elections. Often, the candidates run as a form of protest, satire, or an exercise in democratic rights. Sometimes they even win, as in the case of the election of Raving Loony Jolly Green Giant Party’s Stuart Basil Fawlty Hughes to East Devon District Council.

The origins of Count Binface begin with the 1976 release of the novelisation of Star Wars, and helmeted and be-caped space fascist Darth Vader along with it. (Yes, 1976 – the novelisation preceded its own 1977 movie counterpart due to release delays. Fight me.)

Next up, in 1984, Star Wars parody Hyperspace hit our screens. In place of the iconic Vader, Hyperspace (aka Gremloids in the UK release) featured one Lord Buckethead. He wore a bucket on his head.

In a bizarre 1887 promotional stunt, the film’s UK distributor — Mike Lee — ran against Margaret Thatcher in her Finchley constituency whilst roleplaying as Lord Buckethead, for the Gremloids Party. Free publicity is, after all, free publicity. Lee also ran as Buckethead against John Major in 1992.

Later, in 2017, PM Theresa May subjected the UK to a general election in an attempt to ram through her bogus Brexit deal. Jon Harvey, a comic writer who worked on shows like The Thick of It and Have I Got News for You, decided to resurrect the Buckethead character to run against May.

Harvey said of that first election contest:

The election happened and it went viral around the world. So much so that, Thursday night, I was in a sports hall in Maidenhead, standing next to Theresa May as she self-detonated her majority and three days later, I was being flown first class to New York by John Oliver to be on his HBO show as the sort of star surprise guest.

Buckethead vs Count Binface (vs Johnson)

However, that publicity also drew the attention of the owners of Gremloids, who began a copyright dispute. So, in place of Buckethead, Harvey instead took up the now-familiar mantle of Count Binface. But, as the Guardian recounted:

the Hollywood director of Gremloids, Todd Durham, made contact with David Hughes, a former press officer to the original 1987 Buckethead. Durham persuaded Hughes to stand as Buckethead in Boris Johnson’s Uxbridge constituency.

Following the 2019 contest, in which both Buckethead and Binface ran against Johnson, Buckethead posted to Twitter:

I’m an impostor. The true heir to the Buckethead throne is Count Binface, and I hereby endorse him.

Binface has since stood in six different elections, first as an independent and later for the Count Binface Party. He was unsuccessful in each, making him only marginally less successful than seven-times loser Nigel Farage himself. As such, the Canary expects Binface to begin calling himself ‘prime-minister-in-waiting’ any day now.

And what of the policies?

In Makerfield, Binface’s most recent outing prior to Clacton, the intergalactic space warrior’s manifesto (Makerfield Great Again) contained a grab bag of satirical policies. These included:

I will cut your taxes, and raise everyone else’s.
People who use speakers on public transport to be conscripted.
All 99 Flake ice-creams to cost no more than 99p, and Wigan Kebabs to be price-capped at £2.

The first of that lot, at the very least, looks roughly on par with mainstream political parties’ offerings. However, the manifesto also had some policies we could genuinely get behind:

MPs to lose their subsidy for cheap food and drink in Parliament.
Auto-renew on all online subscriptions to be abolished immediately.
Wifi on trains that works. Also trains that work.

There are ups and downs here, sure. However, they also represent a distinct leftward shift compared to predecessor Lord Buckethead’s policies, which centered on a pledge to “demolish Birmingham to make way for a spaceport”.

Count Binface for Clacton

IPSOS polling suggests that more UK voters currently favour Binface to win than Farage himself. The man with a bin on his head holds 33% support, whilst the man who belongs in a bin trails with 21%. Notably, Binface is also winning out against the ‘neither’ option, which stands at 32%.

It is the Canary’s considered opinion that Binface should win the Clacton by-election, for the good of the nation. First, he almost literally can’t be worse than Farage. Second, the fact that he wears a bin suggests that he isn’t in the game just to get his face on TV (*cough*). And third, it would be desperately, desperately funny.

But don’t just take our word for it. Here’s a glowing endorsement from former Farage adviser Raheem Kassam:

All this Count Binface talk got me looking into who this guy really is. Jonathan David Harvey – who earns his living making comedy shows for the BBC – is an Oxbridge liberal elitist who has screeds of anti-Brexit, anti-Trump and anti-British rants on his Twitter going back over a decade.

We’re not fans of Oxbridge or the BBC, but anti-Brexit, anti-Trump and anti-British, but that’s 2-3 in favour right there.

Featured image via the Canary