Theresa ‘crush the saboteurs’ May has urged the country to come back together. Which would be somewhat ironic, if Tories weren’t so routinely hypocritical.
May is famous for a number of things – none of which brought people closer together. These things include:
- Having vans drive around London telling foreign people to fuck off back to where they came from.
- Appointing Boris Johnson to improve our standing in the world.
- Supporting the austerity programme that led to many people being either significantly poorer or dead.
Timeline of terror
You can summarise May’s career trajectory as follows:
- Crush the saboteurs!
- Strong and stable!
- Oh dear.
- I’m just very, very sorry.
- Please stop noticing how terrible I am.
Unity – or else
Falling back on old habits, Theresa May has commissioned a fleet of ‘unity vans’ to drive around London instructing people to:
Come together – or else!
The government has also authorised the drivers of these vans to launch Union Jacks at anyone who doesn’t look visibly ecstatic about Brexit.
A journalist asked why no attempt was being made to reach citizens beyond London. In response, a spokesperson from 10 Downing Street repeated the government’s official position on the broader UK:
The Tories seem to think that, if people just believe in them hard enough, then everything will magically just happen.
That sort of fantastical thinking never brought Father Christmas to life, though, and it’s certainly not going to give life to their discredited and callous right-wing agenda.
We need your help to keep speaking the truth
Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.
Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.
We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.
In return, you get:
* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop
Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.
With your help we can continue:
* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do
We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?