Austerity is working, claims man who’ll never be affected by it

Philip Hammond saying: "debt collection agencies aren't complaining"
Support us and go ad-free

The Tories introduced austerity to deal with the deficit. Although most people didn’t even know what the deficit was, we were led to believe it was very bad. We were also told that if we didn’t do something about it, things would go very badly for us.

Ironically, things have gone very badly for us anyway. Because although austerity might eventually remove the deficit (which no one had ever heard of), it has also caused manifold other problems – all of which we’re painfully clued up on.

These problems include:

  • Failing public services.
  • Worsening quality of life.
  • Smirking Iain Duncan Smith.

Despite all this, the chancellor assures us that austerity is working. Which rather implies that these ‘side-effects’ are intentional.

Snide effects

The chancellor of the exchequer, a.k.a. ‘Blandalf the Grey’, gave his speech while tap dancing on the grave of an unknown homeless person. At one point he asked:

If austerity doesn’t work, how come the Russian oligarchs who back us keep getting richer?

In it together

Although there’s some concern that austerity is actually about transferring money from the poor to the rich, that won’t make a difference, because none of the people worried about that are in the Tory Party.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

If they were exposed as caring for things like ‘decency’ and ‘other people’, they would have had their membership revoked.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Secretary of Defense – Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed