Daily Mail editor to retire to his cottage in the south of hell

Paul Dacre in hell
John Shafthauer

Editor Paul Dacre is leaving the Daily Mail after 26 years. When he started, the tabloid was merely dreadful. Now it’s so vile that a copy of the newspaper left by itself will eventually dissolve under the acidity of its own content.

What’s not so well known is that Dacre is actually quite literally a devil. And now that he’s fucked up the UK as much as possible, Dacre has decided to retire. Namely to a lovely little cottage in the southern region of hell.

Burn baby, burn

Location, Location, Location recently visited the region of hell where Dacre will be living. It’s a rather charming area populated by the absolute worst of Britain, and Dacre’s neighbours will include:

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.
  • Dr Harold Shipman.
  • Margaret “the milk snatcher” Thatcher.
  • Henry VIII.
  • Enoch Powell.
  • The woman who put a cat in a bin.
  • Oswald Mosley.
  • Tony Blair (still technically alive, but dead on the inside following his arrangement to sell his soul for friendship with celebrity moron George W. Bush).
  • The guy who wrote the Crazy Frog song.

In memory

If there’s one thing people will remember Dacre for, it’s the many disgusting things his rag of a fucking newspaper did. It’s not often you can genuinely say that time travel should be invented just to stop someone before they get started, but Dacre is one of those instances.

Which isn’t to say Dacre shouldn’t look forward to his time in hell, obviously. We’re all hoping he gets to spend a long time there.

Continue reading below...

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via YouTube / Wikimedia / Pixabay

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed