Analysis of their graduates suggests the Oxbridge unis might actually be sh*t

Boris Johnson and David Cameron
John Shafthauer

Oxford and Cambridge universities are world famous, and have produced some of the world’s greatest minds. On the other hand, they’ve also produced many people who’ve done untold damage to the UK. Damage that’s greater than the combined impact of:

  • Uncooked chicken.
  • The Daleks.
  • All of those wars we had (especially as many of them were started by Oxbridge graduates).

A recent survey – weighing up the impact of their graduates – suggests these unis might overall be a bit shit.

Facts

The person who conducted the survey noted that:

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For every Nobel winning scientist, you have fifteen Tory politicians with more expenses violations than sense. These people demonstrably aren’t smart – they just had rich parents and access to the Old Boy’s Club.

 

 

To prove this we put Toby Young, David Cameron, and Boris Johnson in a maze to see if they could escape before the rats did. Rather than trying to get out, the Oxbridge graduates called their mates at the Daily Mail and asked them to run a story claiming these rats were a bit communist.

 

 

They then went to sleep and awaited rescue from their parents’ helicopters.

Representation

It came out on 7 December that Oxbridge get most of their applicants from just eight schools. Rather than trying to widen that net, maybe it’s time to elevate the status of universities that aren’t dredging up so many bottom feeders?

Featured image via World Economic Forum – Wikimedia

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  • Show Comments
    1. Oxbridge is a barely-concealed cabal, aimed at putting the children of mumsy and dadsy into comfy and intellectually-unchallenging quarters, and then giving them an ‘Honours’ degree from the tear-off roll in the holder on the wall.

      Gives free admission to Morgan Stanley. Clifford Chase., Price Waterhouse, or the BBC – whichever would please mumsy most.

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John Shafthauer