Tony Blair promises to keep the foreigners out himself if we stay in the EU

Tony Blair looking over the White Cliffs of Dover


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Against the wishes of those supporting a ‘People’s Vote’, Tony Blair has lent them his support. Because, as is achingly apparent by now, receiving political backing from Blair is like getting a personal hygiene recommendation from Captain Jack Sparrow.

Blair we go again

Speaking to anyone who’d listen to him at the bus stop, Blair said:

Some people want to leave the EU so we can be more racist; others want to remain and be less racist. Having applied my genius, centrist brain to the issue, I’ve realised the moderate thing to do is remain in the EU but be more xenophobic.

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I’ve been saying for ages that the Labour Party needs to be more racist; it’s very hip right now. The racist mugs were a good start, but we went wrong trying to sell them to people. What we should have done is thrown them at foreigners to put them off coming here.

Tony, or not Tony

Blair continued with a plan to halt migration that might actually work:

I’ve spoken to some EU bigwigs, and although they won’t budge on freedom of movement, they did make a suggestion. They think that if I personally promise to make friends with every migrant who comes to the UK, then no one will come.

I can’t see it myself, which is why I’m going to make myself the face of Remain. People love me, and the more they know that I want to stay in the EU, the harder they’ll back it.

Blair offered us some of the glue he’d been sniffing at this point, but our bus had come, so we bid him adieu.

Featured image via pixabay / World Travel & Tourism Council – Wikimedia

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