Uri Geller threatens to bend Jeremy Corbyn with his brain magic

Uri Geller holding a spoon with Corbyn's hed on it
Support us and go ad-free

Not much surprises in politics these days. In keeping with that thought, famous spoon ruiner Uri Geller has threatened to use his wicked sorcery on Jeremy Corbyn:

“Knock yourself out, big man,” you’re probably thinking. But is there something to worry about?


As Uri Geller was close friends with Michael Jackson, there’s no arguing that he’s an excellent judge of character. And yet, despite this, he’s taken something of a disliking to Corbyn.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Off The Perch caught up with Geller to find out what he plans:

As we speak, I am firing my mind javelins at Mr Corbyn. Jeremy is a 7th level druid, so it’s taking me some time to break down his defences. The guy eats a lot of cold beans, and as such, his psychic aura is formidable.

When asked what he hopes to achieve with this telepathic warfare, Geller said:

Using my brain magic, I will bend Corbyn’s neck at an untoward angle. Who could vote for such a ridiculous man? Muwahahaha!

Whether Geller can pull this off is up for debate. One source claims he’s already looking for a ‘pre-bent Jeremy Corbyn’ – suggesting he may fake the trick if he can’t pull it off legitimately.


Some people have questioned whether Geller – a man who has claimed to be able to kill livestock with his mind – can be taken seriously.

The answer is ‘no’ – he can’t be.

Unless you run an antique spoon business, of course, in which case you should pre-emptively ban him from your premises immediately.

Featured image via Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia / David Parry/PA Wire – Flickr

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us
  • Show Comments
    1. This story must not be real.
      Imagine using the talent Uri has in his mind to simply use it to mess with another’s who speaks out about the dogs of war.
      This has to be a joke.
      Unless this is the newest fantasy for brainwashing by ghost leaders from the dark ages still living amongst us, who in cold blood kill children in the Gaza with “Live” bullets.
      Bend that!

    2. The Jewish Chronicle is supposed to be funny, and I think is saying they are going out of their minds with the untenable situation Israel now finds itself in with Palestine.
      Now they are shooting children.
      It must of seemed irresistable in the begining to be financed by the wealthy American military, it being so easy to “solve the problem” that a British Treaty created by using guns, and as rule of possesion is 9/10 ‘s of the law philosophy. How can we lose?
      What a mistake to finance this deeply dark side of human nature .
      What miserable consequences for the planet.

    Leave a Reply

    Join the conversation

    Please read our comment moderation policy here.