TIG spokesperson breaks record for speaking without saying anything

Images of Chuka Umunna making bland statements
Support us and go ad-free

The Independent Group (TIG) has made Chuka Umunna its spokesperson. This makes sense. He is a person, after all, and he certainly speaks – but does he actually say anything?

According to the Guinness World Records people, the answer is an impressive ‘no’.

Empty words

When announcing his promotion to spokesperson, Umunna said:

It’s all about synergy, yeah? We want to do away with the old ideology of having policies and ideas. Instead, we want to usher in a politics-style results mainframe that responds dynamically to the world without any need to engage vote-providers. Basically, we want to do for governance what Nando’s has done for feeding people.

When asked if this meant creating a bland experience catering primarily to the middle classes while generating poverty wages for the people making it work, Umunna answered:

It’s all about synergy, yeah?

He then carried on talking for a record-breaking 72 hours – producing a stream of words with less content than Tony Blair’s Iraq apology.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free
Partystarter

Everyone has heard of crowdfunders that promise a lot but deliver nothing. The difference between those scams and TIG is that dodgy crowdfunders at least promise something. TIG is vaguely talking about a new form of politics it can’t explain and hasn’t even figured out yet.

This makes Chuka Umunna – the man with many words but no ideas – exactly the person to speak on its behalf.

Featured image via YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us