Tory minister says army may be needed to fix Tory Britain

Gavin Williamson in a tank on London's streets
Support us and go ad-free

Despite years of austerity, crime in the UK has risen – particularly knife crime. The government is unsure how this has happened, because people shouldn’t be able to afford weapons at this point. Regardless, there’s a very clear solution – and that’s to send in the army.

Great Britain, fuck yeah!

There are three main signs that a country is basically doing okay:

  1. People have enough money to exist / do things.
  2. Young people are likely to enjoy more opportunities than their parents.
  3. The army isn’t on the streets pointing guns at children and asking them to empty their pockets.

The Tories have failed on the first two: could failing on the third sort things out? Chris Grayling is known for saying ‘three or more wrongs sometimes make a right – and if not a ‘right’, at least a ‘distraction’ from whatever you did wrong in the first place”.

Read on...

Defence secretary Gavin Williamson said:

The good thing about using the army is we’re paying them already, so it’s cost free! Brilliant, yeah? Also, we’re only involved in about five or six conflicts at the moment, so the lads need something to do. They’re well up for it anyway, because I told them it would be bants. The chicken pot noodles are on me!

Crisis

Of course, some people think austerity might have played a part in rising crime:

If austerity is driving people towards crime, it’s likely the UK will need more austerity to teach these poor idiots a lesson.

It’s like they say: “several years of needlessly falling living standards makes an economy”.

Featured image via pixabay / pixabay / Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia

Get involved

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us