Tory minister says army may be needed to fix Tory Britain

Gavin Williamson in a tank on London's streets
Support us and go ad-free

Despite years of austerity, crime in the UK has risen – particularly knife crime. The government is unsure how this has happened, because people shouldn’t be able to afford weapons at this point. Regardless, there’s a very clear solution – and that’s to send in the army.

Great Britain, fuck yeah!

There are three main signs that a country is basically doing okay:

  1. People have enough money to exist / do things.
  2. Young people are likely to enjoy more opportunities than their parents.
  3. The army isn’t on the streets pointing guns at children and asking them to empty their pockets.

The Tories have failed on the first two: could failing on the third sort things out? Chris Grayling is known for saying ‘three or more wrongs sometimes make a right – and if not a ‘right’, at least a ‘distraction’ from whatever you did wrong in the first place”.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Defence secretary Gavin Williamson said:

The good thing about using the army is we’re paying them already, so it’s cost free! Brilliant, yeah? Also, we’re only involved in about five or six conflicts at the moment, so the lads need something to do. They’re well up for it anyway, because I told them it would be bants. The chicken pot noodles are on me!

Crisis

Of course, some people think austerity might have played a part in rising crime:

If austerity is driving people towards crime, it’s likely the UK will need more austerity to teach these poor idiots a lesson.

It’s like they say: “several years of needlessly falling living standards makes an economy”.

Featured image via pixabay / pixabay / Chris McAndrew – Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us