Independent Media | Campaigning Journalism
Independent Group proposes national service at Nando’s for teens
Many were surprised to see Chuka Umunna proposing national service for young people. This wouldn’t be military service, but instead some sort of corporate away-day nonsense designed to bring young people together. And now we know exactly what this so-called ‘citizens service’ might look like.
Breasts
Speaking to the journalists who materialise every time he speaks out loud, Umunna said:
Young people can learn everything they need to know from Nando’s. Firstly, they get to work inside a thriving company. Secondly, they get some of that PERi-PERi multiculturalism. And thirdly, they learn that most important of all characteristics – cheekiness.
At this point, someone asked if these children would be getting paid for working at Nando’s. Umunna looked uncomfortable at this point and blurted out:
The Independent Group is definitely not the political wing of Nando’s hostile takeover of the UK!
Or isn’t they
Umunna’s strange denial led to some digging. It turned out the so-called Independent Group is actually a subsidiary of Nando’s. Pictures have also emerged of a man in a chicken costume handing Chris Leslie a carrier bag filled with greasy five-pound notes.
The Independent Group is having a "Cheeky Nandos". Anna Soubry looks thrilled… pic.twitter.com/lKpw1C4FeH
— Vincent McAviney (@VinnyMcAv) February 25, 2019
So is the political group actually an attempt by a somewhat popular fast-food chain to acquire itself free child labour? Possibly not. Although it wouldn’t be any less backwards than what the Independent Group actually stands for.
Featured image via Loozrboy – Wikimedia
Get involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?
Support us -
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.
.jpg){kind=link}
”Pictures have also emerged of a man in a chicken costume handing Chris Leslie a carrier bag filled with greasy five-pound notes…”
unfortunately the street CCT WAS NOT WORKING AT THAT PRECISE TIME…..