Independent Group proposes national service at Nando’s for teens

Young people in chicken costumes
John Shafthauer

Many were surprised to see Chuka Umunna proposing national service for young people. This wouldn’t be military service, but instead some sort of corporate away-day nonsense designed to bring young people together. And now we know exactly what this so-called ‘citizens service’ might look like.

Breasts

Speaking to the journalists who materialise every time he speaks out loud, Umunna said:

Young people can learn everything they need to know from Nando’s. Firstly, they get to work inside a thriving company. Secondly, they get some of that PERi-PERi multiculturalism. And thirdly, they learn that most important of all characteristics – cheekiness.

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At this point, someone asked if these children would be getting paid for working at Nando’s. Umunna looked uncomfortable at this point and blurted out:

The Independent Group is definitely not the political wing of Nando’s hostile takeover of the UK!

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Or isn’t they 

Umunna’s strange denial led to some digging. It turned out the so-called Independent Group is actually a subsidiary of Nando’s. Pictures have also emerged of a man in a chicken costume handing Chris Leslie a carrier bag filled with greasy five-pound notes.

So is the political group actually an attempt by a somewhat popular fast-food chain to acquire itself free child labour? Possibly not. Although it wouldn’t be any less backwards than what the Independent Group actually stands for.

Featured image via Loozrboy – Wikimedia

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John Shafthauer