Theresa May has 24 hours to miraculously become competent
The vote on Theresa May’s Brexit deal is tomorrow. That means she has a mere 24 hours to reverse a lifetime of crapness. That’s another 24 hours, obviously. She’s been in this situation before and keeps re-scheduling the same vote.
Either she’s incredibly masochistic, or she has some sort of credible plan we’re all unaware of.
Or maybe just magic
Or yes – maybe she’s discovered some magical means of fixing her problem. According to one of her aides:
She’s been wandering around Downing Street rubbing all the lamps and saying: ‘Hello? Genie? Are you in there, Mr Genie?’ I asked her why she didn’t try the genuine genie lamp that the London Museum liberated from Mesopotamia, and she said it was ‘too ethnic’.
The desperation hasn’t stopped there, either. A Chinese restaurateur told Off The Perch:
When I opened up this morning I heard a strange noise in the store room. Going in, I discovered a squatting Theresa May opening my fortune cookies – presumably hoping for a lucky prediction. Upon seeing me, she hissed and then crawled out through the window.
Reality
It seems like May’s hopes of magicking her way through Brexit will be dispelled tomorrow. Unless she extends Article 50 and keep re-scheduling the same vote on the same deal – exactly the sort of curse we should be expecting at this point.
Read on...
Featured image via pixabay / Annika Haas – Wikimedia
Get involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
-
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.
.jpg){kind=link}