Tories all for the army targeting the leader of the opposition, actually

When footage leaked of soldiers firing shots at Jeremy Corbyn’s image, many people thought:

Well, this was expected. The Tories and the gutter press will have to reel it in a bit now. You can’t have the army targeting the leader of the opposition for flip’s sake.

These expectations ended up being optimistic. As one unnamed Tory said:

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Why would we stop calling him a terrorist-loving, hard-Marxist cyber prick now the smears are showing results?

And as other senior Tories said:

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A man who sides with terrorists and socialist dictators, would surrender our nuclear deterrent, has let anti-Semitism run rife in his Party and would bankrupt Britain has now been given the keys to Brexit. https://t.co/glGXAQUAXj

— Priti Patel MP (@patel4witham) April 3, 2019

"I'm absolutely appalled" – Conservative Iain Duncan Smith says Theresa May's #Brexit talks with Jeremy Corbyn "legitimises a Marxist whose sole purpose in life is to do real damage to the country" https://t.co/OjlUUixYrJ pic.twitter.com/eZhUig1chw

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) April 3, 2019

What is a greater risk to the UK, asks Conservative Dr Caroline Johnson – "a no-deal #Brexit, versus the risk of letting down the country and ushering in a Marxist, anti-Semite-led government?"#PMQs updates: https://t.co/28GrD7L2d5 pic.twitter.com/9ZSVJxcLUk

— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) April 3, 2019

Pheasant coup 

The unnamed Tory from earlier explained:

Look – I don’t know what the confusion is. If Labour gets into power, it would be really great for us if the army led some sort of coup. I’d settle for Tommy Robinson and some lads he rounded up at the park, to be honest. What aren’t you getting? Drumming up violent hatred against our opponents works in our favour; it’s really quite simple – I don’t know why you look surprised.

Smears for fears

Another anonymous Tory told us:

I overheard Jeremy Corbyn in the toilets once speaking in a Russian accent. As I watched, he split in half and a series of smaller Jeremy Corbyns came out. He can speak to bears too. Is that something Russians can do? Well he can anyway. Be sure to tell everyone you know in the army.

According to another source, the government is going to label Corbyn’s allotment group a terrorist organisation.

It’s almost like the Tories worry they won’t be in power much longer.

Featured image via pixabay