Boris Johnson paints a picture of Britain post-no-deal Brexit

Boris Johnson in front of a post-apocalytpic Mad Max land
John Shafthauer

It’s clear that Boris Johnson hasn’t actually done any planning – whether that be for:

  1. Brexit.
  2. Becoming prime minister.
  3. Life.

He has now fleshed out his vision of what Britain will look like post-no-deal Brexit, though. It’s exactly as ridiculous/terrifying as you’d expect.

No deal. No sense.

Johnson began with all this:

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After assuring everyone that we’d have “water” and “Mars bars”, he went on to promise:

And buildings! We’ll still have most of the buildings. Definitely the sturdier ones. I can probably guarantee that the majority of structures will survive. We might even build a few new ones.

But what of food, I hear you ask? Shortages? I hardly think so! I mean… sure… maybe the slop we’d grown accustomed to will change, but what if I said you could have newer food? Better food? Take chicken for example – aren’t you sick of it? Wouldn’t you rather have a delectable London street pheasant?

When pressed on what this bird was, Johnson admitted he was talking about pigeons. He argued:

Pigeons are actually the tastiest fowl there is. The only reason we can’t eat them is that blasted EU red tape. The same is true of rats. And dirt. All of which you’ll soon be gorging yourself on.

Promises, promises

If there’s one thing we can take away from Boris Johnson promising there’ll be drinking water post-Brexit, it’s this:

There will be no drinking water.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Toglenn / Flickr – Chatham House

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