Boris Johnson is prime minister. So that’s… err… something.
While the rest of Britain notably won’t be celebrating, Johnson himself wanted to do something to mark the occasion. He chose to run himself a bath.
Predictably, things somehow got out of hand.
Johnson had been in the bathroom at 10 Downing Street for 45 minutes when an aide knocked on the door.
“Mr Prime Minister?” they called. “Are you okay?”
“It’s the damndest thing,” Johnson answered. “The blasted bath won’t fill.”
Once granted access, the aide quickly discovered two things:
- Johnson’s dressing gown only reached down to his upper thighs.
- He hadn’t put the plug in.
With the problem solved, the aide left Johnson to it. Some 20 minutes later, they came running back when they heard a cat-like wail from the PM.
“Mr Prime Minister?” they called through the door. “Are you okay?”
“No I am not!” he cried back. “It’s the ruddy water. It’s freezing cold!”
“Umm…” the aide said – knowing what they had to ask but worrying about saying it out loud. “…and you’re sure you turned on the hot tap?”
“Ah,” Johnson said eventually. “So there’s more than one tap, is there? Oh well – third time’s the charm, I guess.”
All seemed well, but then another moan came from the bathroom. When Johnson didn’t answer, the aide barged their way in. They discovered that the PM had somehow filled the bath with jelly and got himself stuck inside.
Johnson – unable to turn his head – had a suggestion.
“I think we should try to arrange that brewery piss-up like you suggested.”
Featured image via Wikimedia – Kuhlmann MSC
Do your bit for independent journalism
Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.
We need you to help out, if you can.
When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.
You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.
In return you get:
- Advert free reading experience
- Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
- 20% discount from our shop