Boris Johnson’s plan to keep the union together hampered by the ‘Boris Johnson’ part

Boris Johnson's face inside a flaming map of the United Kingdom
Wilson Belshaw

Despite all evidence to the contrary, Boris Johnson allegedly wants to keep the United Kingdom together. The problem?

Well – it turns out much of the kingdom is united in its dislike of him.

Get tae fuck

An Irishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman walked into the Off The Perch offices. The first one told us:

It’s pretty obvious that the Brexiteers forgot Northern Ireland existed before the referendum. It’s pretty obvious they don’t care what happens to us now they’ve remembered. As Johnson hired his new cabinet by using a sign of himself with the message ‘you must be this stupid to serve’, I can’t see things getting any better.

The Scotsman said:

When I ask myself if I want to be ruled by a bunch of vindictive English aristocrats, the answer is no. When I ask if I want to be ruled by the biggest bawbags of the bunch, the answer is also no. In other words, I’ll be voting yes in the next referendum.

The Welshman said:

We’re not in the news as much, but we’re also unhappy with the shire’s choice of prime minister.

Disunited

It’s not just Johnson letting the side down. It’s also the crack team Johnson put together, with an emphasis on crack:

Will this lead to the break-up of the UK? You’d think so. If only because Johnson said it won’t.

Featured image via Flickr – Financial Times / pixabay

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Wilson Belshaw