Johnson’s faith in the ‘Boris bounce’ results in a visit to A&E

Boris Johnson in a stretcher saying: "The tabloids said I had 'bounce' now"


Support us and go ad-free

The media recently hyped up an alleged ‘Boris bounce’. Johnson himself – being less than the brightest Tory in our government of dunces – took that a bit too literally. This is why he left work yesterday by the third floor window. It’s also why he continued the rest of his commute in an ambulance.

Thump

Johnson appeared in a window at the House of Parliament. He shouted down at the people below:

I’m the lizard king! I can do anything!

He then belly-flopped out the window like a delirious salmon – laughing all the way. Or laughing until he touched down, anyway. His merriment notably ended when he hit the ground.

Things didn’t get any better from there. As the shocked Etonian lump lay there moaning, one of his aides rushed over.

I’m sorry to report this, sir, but we just lost the Brecon by-election. To make matters worse, a recent poll suggests everyone hates you. To make them worser your trousers have split. On top of that, you’re not wearing any underwear. And your arse has a poorly realised tattoo of Margaret Thatcher with the body of a bulldog. And also the ambulance won’t be here for at least 45 minutes because of NHS cuts.

Weak and bouncy

People who like Johnson will be glad to know that he’ll make a full recovery. Everyone else will be glad to know that nurses are probably spitting in his food.

Read on...

Featured image via US Air Force

Get involved

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us