Government denies large power outages part of no-deal planning

Two speech bubbles over a black background. One says: "Did somebody turn the lights off?" The second says: "Stop talking down Brexit!"
Support us and go ad-free

Power outages hit England and Wales on 9 August. Coincidentally, the government has recently been planning for a no-deal Brexit.

But is it a coincidence?

Or is it part of what the government is expecting after they open the Brexit hell mouth?

Lights out

According to a leaked memo, the government is planning the following tests:

  • Closing the Irn Bru factory for a week to see how long it takes before Scotland starts rioting.
  • Replacing people’s medicine with tic tacs to see if the placebo effect kicks in.
  • Redirecting all outward-bound British tourists to Skegness.

A whistleblower came forward to tell us that:

We’ve been experimenting to see how long an adult human can go without water. Or trying to, anyway. The problem is our test subjects keep leaving about two hours into the test.

There’s also evidence that the police have started preparing. Photos show several forces stripping the panels off their vehicles to more closely resemble the ones in Mad Max. Police officers are also replacing their trademark uniforms with leather undies, bandoleers, and nipple rings.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free
Apocalypse

So is this the end for Britain? Or is it just the start of an exciting new adventure?

It’s hard to say, but will the last person leaving the nation please remember to switch the Mad Max-ian road cop’s lights off?

(DISCLAIMER: The Canary does not condone people resorting to violence in the dystopian hellscape that awaits them.)

Featured image via John Shafthauer

Support us and go ad-free

Get involved

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us