Government denies large power outages part of no-deal planning
Power outages hit England and Wales on 9 August. Coincidentally, the government has recently been planning for a no-deal Brexit.
But is it a coincidence?
Or is it part of what the government is expecting after they open the Brexit hell mouth?
According to a leaked memo, the government is planning the following tests:
- Closing the Irn Bru factory for a week to see how long it takes before Scotland starts rioting.
- Replacing people’s medicine with tic tacs to see if the placebo effect kicks in.
- Redirecting all outward-bound British tourists to Skegness.
A whistleblower came forward to tell us that:
We’ve been experimenting to see how long an adult human can go without water. Or trying to, anyway. The problem is our test subjects keep leaving about two hours into the test.
There’s also evidence that the police have started preparing. Photos show several forces stripping the panels off their vehicles to more closely resemble the ones in Mad Max. Police officers are also replacing their trademark uniforms with leather undies, bandoleers, and nipple rings.
So is this the end for Britain? Or is it just the start of an exciting new adventure?
It’s hard to say, but will the last person leaving the nation please remember to switch the Mad Max-ian road cop’s lights off?
(DISCLAIMER: The Canary does not condone people resorting to violence in the dystopian hellscape that awaits them.)
Featured image via John Shafthauer
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
Leave a ReplyYou must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversation
Please read our comment moderation policy here.