Leadership runners-up clash over who gets to lose least

Although the race to become Tory leader/PM is officially running right now, it really isn’t. It actually began when Theresa May became PM, and it ended when she resigned. The winner – unfortunately – is Boris Johnson. And whether they know it or not, his rivals are competing for distant second place.

Electioneering

Our next prime minister will be chosen by Tory Party members.

When 500,000 Labour members elected Jeremy Corbyn, the entire media-political class called it an anti-democratic Trotskyist putsch.

So what about this…? https://t.co/Rkh0ELd920

— Kerry-Anne Mendoza 🏳️‍🌈🍉 (@TheMendozaWoman) June 17, 2019

Johnson won the leadership by displaying all the characteristics that appeal to Tories, namely:

Being prone to racist ‘gaffes’.
Being prone to racist racism.
Making alternatively vague, undeliverable, and dreadful Brexit proposals.
Arsing up everything he touches.
‘Talking tough’ with foreign countries (unless they’re the US, in which case he turns into a lap-poodle).
Tax cuts for the rich.
Misery for everyone else.

To catch up to Johnson, his rivals would have needed to read out a Jim Davidson edited version of Enoch Powell’s ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech while burning £50 notes in front of a homeless economics expert. Instead, the fools talked about how they’d ‘fix’ the country – a problematic move because: