Tony Blair uses his immense unpopularity to promote socialism

Tony Blair is one of the most unpopular people in Britain. A recent study showed he’s so repellent that when he stood on the street offering free cooked lobster, 99% of those he approached threw a shoe at him. Despite funding the study himself, Blair has downplayed its findings.

The former PM is putting his unpopularity to good use, at least. Mainly, by encouraging people to stand against socialism – a move which is predictably pushing people towards it.

Old Tony, no danger

In between media appearances, Blair has been going door-to-door – warning people of the dangers of fairness. Off The Perch followed him for the day. He told one person:

These socialists think the NHS shouldn’t be privatised at all. That means your dying loved ones won’t generate profit for anyone. For anyone!

He told somebody else:

I was criticised for building on Thatcher’s policies, but deregulated banking was a massive success. You know – right up until the financial crash, that is.

And another:

These Corbynites say they want kinder politics, but one of them called me Tony ‘war anus’ Blair on Twitter.

Before finally saying:

It’s easy being opposed to things, but it’s harder saying what you’d do differently. Well yes, they may have produced a detailed manifesto, but was it costed?

Okay, so it may have been costed, but was it laminated? Well, there we go. My ‘Keep Everything the Same’ manifesto was laminated, and it also used several expensive fonts.

If the footwear fits

Everyone Blair spoke to threw a shoe at him. So thank you, Tony Blair. Thank you for your continued assistance in pushing Britain towards a socialist government.

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Featured image via World Economic Forum – Wikimedia [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]