‘Sick relative? Win a year’s unpaid leave!’ says Theresa May
Those of us with sick relatives know that social care is bad and getting worse. Not because of the people working in the industry – who have to speed between far-too-short appointments with barely a second to spare – but because the government doesn’t fund it properly.
But now the Tories have a solution!
Because if your relative gets sick, you will soon be able to care for them yourself!
For a year!
While earning no money whatsoever!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Oh, boy!
At this point Theresa May has entered full-on Del Boy mode. Standing in a busy market in her sheepskin coat and flatcap. Shouting out deals which sound unbelievable – largely because they are:
Read on...
How’d you like a year off work?
She calls out, before mumbling under her breath:
The year will be unpaid and potentially in lieu of any social care your relative deserves because they fucking paid for it.
And then shouting:
Lovely jubbly!
https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/864081806068510721
We’re not falling for this are we?
Other eagle-eyed people have noted that a lot of the things the Tories are talking about fixing were in fact caused by the Tories. And in Theresa May’s case, readily voted for. Although most of the media is portraying it as a simple attempt to win over working-class voters.
In most other professions, the fact that the Tories are responsible for this mess would discount them from being allowed to try and fix it.
You wouldn’t, for example, allow the cookie monster to look into the missing cookies. You wouldn’t allow Oscar Pistorius to investigate whether or not he shot his girlfriend.
But this is politics. This is Britain. And if the Tories want to carry on screwing people over, then who is the media to hold them to account?
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Featured image via Kremlin
In story image via Good Free Photos
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
