Tories to devise an actual Brexit plan now the world hasn’t ended

Planet X Brexit delay
John Shafthauer

On Sunday 19 November, the world was supposed to end. With ‘supposed’ in inverted commas, as the theory was that Earth would be gravitationally ravaged by the passing of Planet X (or “Nibiru”, as students of imaginary astronomy call it).

Obviously, the sort of people who believed this are what the medical community refer to as ‘dipsticks’. What’s interesting is that several of these dipsticks work in the Brexit department. And they’ve admitted that fear of imminent destruction has affected their work output.

Living on a prayer

We caught up with the junior Brexit minister, Alison Imperial-Nana:

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.

Yeah… this is kind of embarrassing.

If it looked like we weren’t working on a Brexit solution, that’s because we weren’t. We kind of assumed the planet was going to blow up, so why bother?

Continue reading below...

We asked how on Earth they’d come to believe such an outlandish theory:

Just blind hope really. We hadn’t looked into Brexit before we told people to vote for it. Turns out it’s going to be a bit of a nightmare. As such, we all got to thinking – ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if the world blew up and saved us the effort?’

Deception

Some people are pleased that we’re actually going to have a plan now. Others are questioning how these Brexiteers could have been so easily misled.

Then they remembered that these are the same people who wanted hard Brexit in the first place.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Wikimedia

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed

John Shafthauer