Brexit Britain ‘won’t be anything like Mad Max’, claims Davis

David Davis Mad Max OTP
John Ranson

Brexit Secretary David ‘Dave’ Davis has confirmed that the UK after Brexit will have nothing whatsoever in common with the Mad Max films.

This comes as no surprise given that the series originated on a shoestring budget and was characterised by everyone pulling together to create something truly special.

Instead, Davis has indicated -in a rare moment of clarity, that Brexit Britain will more closely resemble such follies as Waterworld and The Postman. They stand as testament to the vanity of rich men and were characterised by everyone getting in a pickle and producing something truly woeful and unnecessary.

Briefing

Off The Perch understands that Davis’s use of film metaphors stems from a classified briefing paper. Officials at the Department for Exiting the European Union (DExEU) wanted to summarise the impact assessments in a form Davis could actually understand. So they produced a list of possible outcomes:

No Brexit – Love Actually

OK, so admittedly it’s an absolute liberal luvviefest, but everyone muddles along OK in a terribly British way. And the UK prime minister is actually free to stand up to the US.

Soft Brexit – Atonement

Although the single market option seems to be papering over the cracks, there’s a constant suspicion that all’s not well and a choice made in the past could have terrible consequences.

Rather Hard Brexit – The Beach

As Boris and Liam cavort around the world hoovering up free trade deals, everything seems rosy. But then, perhaps because of the unstable characters involved, it all goes to shit. Which brings us to:

Shit Brexit – The Road or, if we’re lucky, How I Live Now

The No Deal scenario beloved by bluekippers soon sees cannibalistic gangs roaming the irredeemably fucked land. Most people, once they’ve eaten their blue passport, just want to die.

No wonder Dave was shy with the details.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia / Pixabay / Flickr – Denis Defreyne

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed

John Ranson