Victory for the tabloids, as Corbyn unable to prove he didn’t visit Narnia

Victory for the tabloids, as Corbyn unable to prove he didn't visit Narnia-01
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The claim that Corbyn sold secrets to Czechoslovakia took a blow recently. Namely, because it transpired that the Labour leader was in Derbyshire when he was supposed to be selling secrets in the House of Commons.

This was a shock, as the former Czech spy who made the claims had been incredibly reliable up until this point. Particularly when he claimed to have:

  • Organised Live Aid on behalf of Czechoslovakia.
  • Wrote the hit song Whoomp! (There It Is).
  • Made love to several bigfoots (bigfeet?).

There are some accusations that Corbyn has been unable to refute, however. Possibly because they’re true. Possibly because it’s difficult to comprehensively disprove the ramblings of a compulsive shite-mouther.

Fantasy

Previously, the tabloids’ flimsy narrative might have gained traction. In the age of social media, though, such nonsense is casually disproven within minutes of publication. In the case of front-page headlines (which are previewed the evening before), they’ve often been ridiculed for a good half a day before they even hit the shops.

Facing irrelevancy and diminishing credibility in a fast-paced world they no longer understand, the editors of the tabloids decided to claim that Jeremy Corbyn:

  • Is a witch.
  • Sold state secrets to Narnia.
  • Signalled to the Klingon homeworld that Brexit might not even happen – thus harming our chances of securing a favourable trade deal with them.

Change is coming

When a ‘journalist’ from The Sun asked Corbyn if he’d ever visited Narnia, the Labour leader stared at him with a mixture of confusion, pity and amusement.

This was later reported as ‘proof’ that Corbyn is against a free press.

Read on...

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The rest of the UK looked on with a mixture of confusion, pity and amusement.

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– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via Wikimedia – Chris McAndrew (image was altered) / Wikimedia – Meghan Murphy (image was altered)

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