Tommy Robinson ‘attacked’ by the ‘ninjas’ from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

A ninja attacking a man with a skinhead and light saber
Wilson Belshaw

Tommy Robinson (pictured here punching an African gentleman in Italy) was recently ‘attacked’ outside a McDonald’s. Although some have suggested the video may in fact have been staged:

Not one to be embarrassed by others when he can do the job himself, Robinson released a video of a second ‘assault’.

Everybody was kung-fu fighting

In the new video, Robinson is walking out of a Kentucky Fried Chicken when several assailants come flying towards him.

“Ninjas!” Robinson shouts, although the attackers clearly seem to be dressed like the shaolin masters from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

The ‘ninjas’ are visibly flying in on wires. A fact which becomes painfully apparent when one of the harnesses snags and the ‘ninja’ in question is left dangling like a deadly testicle.

Most people staging such a video would probably pretend to get beaten up in order to make their enemies look like the bad guys. Robinson’s ego is such that he had to get the upper hand though – even in a pretend video.

This is why Robinson was seen to ‘beat up’ his attackers as he shouted “so much for the tolerant left!”

Those pricks were as fast as lightning 

Robinson dispatched the ‘ninjas’ who ran away shouting “Sharia law rules!” Robinson was then confronted by what appeared to be a rubbery bad guy from the 1990s show Power Rangers.

“Look, it’s George Soros!” Robinson shouted, before tackling the prosthetic terror.

If you’re unfamiliar with George Soros, he’s a billionaire Jewish person whom many on the right think secretly controls the world. He isn’t actually a children’s TV bad guy, but you’d be forgiven for thinking otherwise if you run in Tommy Robinson’s circles.

Really, though, if these people are that bothered about ‘globalism’, they should probably think about this:

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via The Camo – Deviant Art

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed

Wilson Belshaw