New poll shows the percentage of Britons who want war with Russia

Pie chart showing that most people don't want to be vaporised in a nuclear war with Russia OTP
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Britain is a nuclear power. The reason we have nukes isn’t to use them though: it’s to prevent the horrors of world war from happening again.

Or that’s the theory anyway. A theory which has so far panned out.

It’s just that the same people who argue for having nukes now seem to be suggesting a land war with Russia is entirely realistic. Which would be a bit weird for the soldiers who had to go and fight in it obviously – knowing full well it was the military equivalent of a football friendly.

Most of us know what such a war would entail, though. And a new survey has shown that most people aren’t all that up for it.

Pie chart showing that most people don't want to be vaporised in a nuclear war

Most apocalypse

Off The Perch caught up with one of the MPs who’s demanding an immediate and robust response to Russia. We’re not sure if they were a Tory or a Labour MP. We’re not sure if they knew themselves:

It’s completely obvious that Russia did it. Just look at Putin’s face. Who smirks like that?

Read on...

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We agreed that Russia almost certainly did it, but questioned the rush to ignore international protocol. Was there some worry that the Russian landmass might flee the globe if we didn’t nail it immediately?

The British public want a quick and robust response! And I should know; I met one of them once.

War games

We pointed out that most people don’t really want to escalate something to the point of a potential nuclear war – not when we’re so close to the end of Game of Thrones.

The MP didn’t answer though. There’d been another round of sabre rattling in Parliament, and they pulled their weapon out in response. They also tore their shirt off and screamed:

THIS! IS! WESTMINSTER!

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via John Shafthauer

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