Blue Peter wins contract to build UK’s Brexit satellite network

A cardboard model of a satellite floating in space
John Shafthauer

One of the many, many, many* things we’ll no longer be part of after we leave the European Union is the EU satellite system. The clue was in the name, but the realisation has taken many in government by surprise.

Not to be outdone, the UK has commissioned its own satellite network. And it’s…

…well…

…I’m sure you can imagine what it’s like.

Dick

The bid to build the satellite network was won by the BBC’s Blue Peter team. Richard Bacon (who we assume is still the latest member?) said this about winning the contract:

They told us they only wanted a model. There’s no way what we built will survive the launch into space – let alone house a team of astronauts. I don’t even think satellites are supposed to have astronauts on them?

At this point, a man in a black suit stepped forwards. He appeared to be holding a gun in his pocket, and he instructed Bacon to “get inside” the model satellite.

Bacon complied as well as he was able.

Members only

An EU bigwig has said about the issue:

Look, when you said you were leaving the EU, we kind of assumed you knew what that meant. We didn’t think we’d have to systematically explain each and every EU benefit you would no longer have access to.

Dave Davis countered:

Well yes, obviously we knew that, but we’ll still get the EU soft-cheese allowance, right? And the EU cardigan subsidy? And the discount at the EU museum of ABBA?

Davis went on for some time describing EU schemes we’d no longer be a part of. After four hours, the EU big wig said simply:

No.

*many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many.

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Featured image via pxhere / pixabay

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