Tory rebels rebelled against the government this week. Except…
…they didn’t. And the people we’re referring to as ‘rebels’ should more accurately be described as:
- Spineless, yellow-bellied weasels.
Off The Perch caught up with some of these so-called ‘rebels’ to ask them what they were rebelling against.
Rebel, not-so rebel
OTP: Hey, Dominic Grieve – what are you rebelling against?
DG: My own amendment, actually. In doing so, I’m sending a very clear message to myself – namely that anyone who crosses hard Brexit will have me to deal with. Even if said rebel is in fact me.
OTP: You’re right, that is very clear. And what are you rebelling against, Nicky Morgan?
NM: I’m rebelling against Theresa May being undermined by rebels like me.
OTP: You’re not really a rebel though, are you?
NM: Yes I am.
OTP: No, you’re not.
NM: Well, there’s no arguing with that.
OTP: Not for you there isn’t. And what are you rebelling against, Tom Tugendhat?
TT: I want to make sure people have a meaningful vote.
OTP: But you had a meaningful vote, and you used it to vote alongside the government.
TT: Oh yes. So I guess I’m just rebelling against other people having what I squandered.
OTP: Wonderful. Thanks a lot for your time.
After they’d finished talking to us, the Tory rebels went off and committed some more acts of rebellion. Namely by voting in line with all the other Tories; screwing the poor like all the other Tories, and being predictably loathsome like all the other Tories.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?