The Tories have a department that’s responsible for making sure everyone knows what bastards they are. The anti-PR stunt they came up with this week was a doozy. Namely because it involved swindling a colleague on maternity leave.
Well done, Tories. Not even we predicted you sinking that low.
Scummy to mummies
An undercover reporter photographed a whiteboard at the government’s Ministry of Reputation. The board had a list of all the other ways in which the party is considering tarnishing its already toxic name:
- Literally stealing candy from babies.
- Installing live hedgehogs as foot scrapers at parliament.
- Making Boris Johnson prime minister.
- Selling the England squad to that Russian oligarch with the human zoo.
- Erecting a statue of Margaret Thatcher forcibly snatching milk from a child.
- Erecting a statue of David Cameron forcibly erecting a pig’s head.
- Putting Iain Duncan Smith’s face on the new £0 note – a note that will be issued to benefit claimants in lieu of actual money.
- Following through on the 2017 manifesto.
- Replacing May with a cardboard cut-out of her giving the finger at Prime Minister’s Questions.
- Anything Brexit-related – it will always make someone furious.
- Reintroducing the Black Death to the North.
Some people have said the Tories should feel ashamed of their behaviour. The Tories replied:
Feel a what?
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