The Tories add ‘pregnant colleagues’ to the list of people they’re happy to swindle

Image of a pregnant woman with the message 'OFFICIALLY SWINDLED BY THE TORY PARTY'
John Shafthauer

The Tories have a department that’s responsible for making sure everyone knows what bastards they are. The anti-PR stunt they came up with this week was a doozy. Namely because it involved swindling a colleague on maternity leave.

Well done, Tories. Not even we predicted you sinking that low.

Scummy to mummies

An undercover reporter photographed a whiteboard at the government’s Ministry of Reputation. The board had a list of all the other ways in which the party is considering tarnishing its already toxic name:

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.
  • Literally stealing candy from babies.
  • Installing live hedgehogs as foot scrapers at parliament.
  • Making Boris Johnson prime minister.
  • Selling the England squad to that Russian oligarch with the human zoo.
  • Erecting a statue of Margaret Thatcher forcibly snatching milk from a child.
  • Erecting a statue of David Cameron forcibly erecting a pig’s head.
  • Putting Iain Duncan Smith’s face on the new £0 note – a note that will be issued to benefit claimants in lieu of actual money.
  • Following through on the 2017 manifesto.
  • Replacing May with a cardboard cut-out of her giving the finger at Prime Minister’s Questions.
  • Anything Brexit-related – it will always make someone furious.
  • Reintroducing the Black Death to the North.

For shame

Some people have said the Tories should feel ashamed of their behaviour. The Tories replied:

Feel a what?

Continue reading below...

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Max Pixel [IMAGES WERE ALL ALTERED]

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed