EU claims rejected Brexit ‘plan’ was just 300 pages of the word ‘Brexit’

An open report with the word 'Brexit' written on it over and over
Support us and go ad-free

The notorious Chequers plan saw Theresa May gather her cabinet and make them agree to a Brexit plan. None of them actually agreed with the plan, of course. They merely agreed to have one. Except for the ministers who didn’t, obviously, who’ve all subsequently fucked off.

Regardless of the exodus, the Chequers plan was handed over to the EU. As ever, it hasn’t gone down that well.

Waffle means waffle

According to a senior source at the EU:

It’s just nonsense. The first 100 pages are just the word ‘Brexit’ repeated over and over. The 50 pages after that are ‘Brexit’ but in different fonts.

They tried to get creative after that – writing ‘Brexit’ in other languages and such. Most other languages don’t have a word for ‘Brexit’, though, so they just used foreign words for ‘shit’ like ‘merde’, and ‘scheisse’.

Sadly, there are only so many words for poo. That’s presumably why they switched to writing ‘Brexit’ in binary, morse code, sign language, etc.

The final part was an essay from Jacob Rees-Mogg about what Brexit meant to him. It was just another 30 pages of the word ‘Brexit’.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Still though, it’s a big step up from anything else they’ve sent us.

Culpability 

The government has been asked why they even bothered submitting such a steaming pile of Brexit. A spokesperson responded:

Report means report.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Lionel Allorge – Wikimedia [IMAGES WERE ALL ALTERED]

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed