Foreign Office unable to evict squatter from £20m mansion

Boris Johnson with booze and a fag outside a mansion
John Shafthauer

When Boris Johnson quit as foreign secretary, he didn’t think he’d have to give up the £20m Foreign Office mansion. He didn’t have a good reason for thinking that. He simply hadn’t thought things through – as per usual.

The idiot’s guide to politics

After resigning as foreign secretary, Johnson had many questions. They included:

  1. Am I still allowed to use the limo?
  2. Am I still allowed to tell people I’m the foreign secretary at parties?
  3. Am I still allowed to make dubious expenses claims? What do you mean I shouldn’t have been doing that anyway? Well, that’s a bloody affront!

Despite being told ‘no’ to all of these, Johnson decided to carry on regardless.

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Greasy thug

There was some attempt to shoo Johnson out of the mansion. The former foreign secretary fought back, though. Namely by stripping down to his underpants and covering himself in grease. This prevented the beefeaters charged with evicting him from getting a grip of the slimy oaf.

Since then, Johnson has been sitting around in a pool of his own slipperiness – drinking from the government mini bar and smoking cigars he stole from the Winston Churchill museum.

Still though – at least he isn’t representing us on the world stage anymore. And you can’t put a price on that.

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Featured image via Jerrye and Roy Klotz MD – Wikimedia / Adam Hirschhorn – Flickr / Think London – Wikimedia [IMAGES WERE ALL ALTERED]

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John Shafthauer