The Home Office has deported the sun
Despite having worked in Britain for 4.5 billion years, the sun has been deported by the Home Office.
But why?
A Home Office spokesperson told us:
We asked the sun if it could prove it had permission to be here. In response, the sun asked us, ‘are you fucking thick?’
Despite overwhelming evidence that the sun has been here for several million years, we’ve decided to teach the prick a lesson.
A literal dark age
The problem with deporting the sun is that the UK is actually pretty reliant on it. We can’t grow crops without its light for a start, and people are somewhat attached to the daytime.
Despite this, the government failed to plan how we’ll survive now it’s gone.
A prominent Tory backbencher has given his thoughts on the matter, though:
Read on...
Support us and go ad-freeGet the plebs, prisoners, and pensioners out in the fields with torches. If that doesn’t get the crops going, we’ll work the beggars until they drop. Have you eaten roast pleb before? It really is quite delectable.
Dark at the end of the tunnel
Addressing the controversy, Boris Johnson said:
If the British citizenry didn’t want to live through an eternity of darkness, they wouldn’t have voted Tory in the first place.
And you can’t really argue with that, can you?
Get Involved!
– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.
Featured image via pxhere [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]
Support us and go ad-free
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
