On 30 July, Jeremy Hunt somehow managed to describe his Chinese wife as “Japanese”. That wasn’t where the mix-ups ended, however. Not long afterwards, some random idiot found himself mistaken for Hunt.
The Hunt becomes the shunted
The berk in question was one of those handkerchief-wearing Gumbys from Monty Python.
The Gumby allegedly escaped from John Cleese’s basement and fled to China. The Chinese diplomats came across the brain-dead dolt and found themselves completely unable to tell the difference between him and the foreign secretary.
The Gumby said to them:
I! WOULD! LIKE! TO! SELL! YOU! JAM!
Hearing this, the diplomats assumed it was Hunt. Largely as he’d said the exact same thing to them the day before.
After a few hours, the Chinese politicians began to suspect the Gumby wasn’t actually a Conservative politician. Namely as he said things like:
MY! BRAIN! IS! VERY! TOILET!
AUSTERITY! IS! A! LOAD! OF! SAUSAGE!
THE! BORDER! IN! NORTHERN! IRELAND! CAN’T! BE! SOLVED! WITH! WISHFUL! DAFFODILS!
All three of these statements showed a level of self-awareness that’s obviously lacking in Tory politicians.
The Chinese diplomats later found the real Hunt. He’d become trapped in his hotel room’s trouser press. He hadn’t realised you’re supposed to take the trousers off first.
When he was freed, Hunt said to them:
MY! TROUSERS! ARE! VERY! JAPANESE!
This wasn’t right, Hunt realised, so he promptly corrected himself.
SORRY! I! MEAN! MY! TROUSERS! ARE! ON! FIRE!
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