For decades, the Daily Mail has been pointing at people they don’t like and shouting:
WOLF! WOLF! IT’S A FUCKING WOLF! GET YOUR PITCHFORKS OUT AND FORK THE BASTARD!
They’ve also been pointing at people they do like – people who are often considerably more vicious than wolves – and shouting:
KITTEN! KITTEN! IT’S A FLUFFY KITTEN! GET YOUR CATNIP OUT AND STROKE THE RASCAL!
The inevitable conclusion to all this shouting has now transpired. A pack of wolves has invaded the Daily Mail offices.
Unlike the Daily Mail editorial team, wolves aren’t that dangerous. The staff at the Mail weren’t to know that, though. That’s why the following was screamed:
I heard wolves cause cancer!
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These aren’t the good, lone-wolf types! They’ve formed together in a Communist-like pack!
Quick! Picture one of them howling at the moon and I’ll write a column insinuating it’s a Satanist or some shit!
When no one believed the Mail had actually been invaded by wolves, the staff attempted to flee. The problem was they all fled at once. But as they had an ‘everyone for themselves’ attitude, they ended up trampling one another.
You’ll be glad to know the wolves are fine, though, and recovering from their exposure to dangerous mammals.
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Featured image via Wikimedia [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]
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