Theresa May admits writing her Brexit plan with predictive text

Predictive text that reads: "Brexit is a great way of putting my career in the poo barrel. Europe shall tremble before my innovative vans."
John Shafthauer

When people got to see Theresa May’s Brexit plan, many of them said things like:

Did she write this with predictive text or some shit?

Well, guess what?

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She did

When typing on a modern phone, the keyboard suggests what your next word could be. The PM – who hasn’t had an original idea since the ‘hostile environment’ – capitalised on this. That’s why her strategy contains sentences like:

We have a backstop to the backstop to the little man hedgehog have you seen my Brazil nuts?

And:

Britain is an island but do you know what else is an island that’s right Les Dennis.

And:

Scotland can go aggravate my priceless chinchilla.

And:

Voters insist we cannot remain in any union that promotes Freddy Krueger’s sandwich.

And:

Brexit means Buckfast.

And:

Nigel Farage may look like a sick toad but Nigel Farage looks like a sick toad.

And:

Britain’s future is in Chris Tarrant’s expensive slop Volvo.

And:

Bendy bananas are back friendos please take five and await insertion.

And:

Project Fear has signed its own rubber hosieries and no one leaves until someone tells me why that’s wrong.

Still 

Despite the obvious embarrassment, commentators agree that May’s Brexit strategy is better than expected. The PM herself responded to the controversy with a message that read:

Thank you for your advice on my go-kart times but if I’m honest this could be the one baseball caps for octopuses I’m not on board with.

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Featured image via John Shafthauer

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John Shafthauer