Independent Media | Campaigning Journalism
Guinness World Records declares PM first person not to get a deal on Black Friday
It’s Black Friday again – that time when we give a little back to the companies who’ve spent all year profiteering from us. Still, though, there are some good deals to be found. Unless you’re Theresa May, of course.
No deal or no deal
May is preparing to finalise a deal with Europe – a deal which no one expects to get through parliament. This makes negotiations somewhat awkward, as Europe has better things to do than humour May’s delusions.
This pantomime hasn’t been entirely without merit, though. It’s seen May become the first person not to secure a deal on Black Friday.
The Guinness World Records people added this to her other achievements, which include:
- First PM without a spine.
- World’s most racist vans.
- Least clear person to ever use the phrase “let me be clear”.
- Most inaccurate slogans.
- Best dance from someone who has nothing to be dancing about.
- Only person to think making Boris Johnson foreign secretary could possibly be a good idea.
- Most questions unanswered.
- Most files conveniently lost concerning investigations into a Westminster paedophile ring.
- First person to pogo-stick around the Isle of Man on ketamine.
Record breaking
When we looked into it, it turned out one of these records was inaccurate. Not even May thought making Johnson foreign secretary was a good idea. She just had to do it because she’s got no spine.
So ‘Black Friday’ indeed, then.
Featured image via UK Home Office – Wikimedia [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]
Get involved
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
Since you're here ...
We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.
Support
-
Show Comments
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversationPlease read our comment moderation policy here.