Guinness World Records declares PM first person not to get a deal on Black Friday

Theresa May saying "Record means record"
John Shafthauer

It’s Black Friday again – that time when we give a little back to the companies who’ve spent all year profiteering from us. Still, though, there are some good deals to be found. Unless you’re Theresa May, of course.

No deal or no deal

May is preparing to finalise a deal with Europe – a deal which no one expects to get through parliament. This makes negotiations somewhat awkward, as Europe has better things to do than humour May’s delusions.

This pantomime hasn’t been entirely without merit, though. It’s seen May become the first person not to secure a deal on Black Friday.

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The Guinness World Records people added this to her other achievements, which include:

  • First PM without a spine.
  • World’s most racist vans.
  • Least clear person to ever use the phrase “let me be clear”.
  • Most inaccurate slogans.
  • Best dance from someone who has nothing to be dancing about.
  • Only person to think making Boris Johnson foreign secretary could possibly be a good idea.
  • Most questions unanswered.
  • Most files conveniently lost concerning investigations into a Westminster paedophile ring.
  • First person to pogo-stick around the Isle of Man on ketamine.
Record breaking

When we looked into it, it turned out one of these records was inaccurate. Not even May thought making Johnson foreign secretary was a good idea. She just had to do it because she’s got no spine.

So ‘Black Friday’ indeed, then.

Featured image via UK Home Office – Wikimedia [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

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John Shafthauer