May to bring back several tonnes of cheap fags and booze to mark end of Brexit talks

EU flag with booze bottles behind it
John Shafthauer

May isn’t very popular in the UK right now. To get away from that, she’s heading off to Europe to nail this deal no one wants. As a reward for our patience in waiting for her to fuck things up this badly, she’s promised to bring back one billion litres of duty free plonk and 30 million cases of cigarettes.

Lovely jubbly

Some Britons love being in the European Union – others love the thought of leaving. While these positions can never be reconciled, there is one thing many can agree on. Namely that getting a car boot full of cheap booze and fags is as good as it gets (unless you’re somebody’s liver).

A Brexiteer told Off The Perch:

Basically, she’s delivered a deal that’s Brexit in name only; one that shackles us to a corrupt economic system that’s bleeding southern Europe dry to benefit Germany. But, saying that, if she gets me 10,000 B&H and an Olympic swimming pool’s worth of gin, who am I to complain?

A Remainer said:

I had wanted to study in Europe, but I suppose I could accept a wheel barrow full of David Beckham branded cologne instead.

Someone who isn’t on Twitter said:

Didn’t we do Brexit already?

Duty free

May had a duty to deliver on the Brexit referendum. She might have fucked that up, but she can still do right by getting us all some souvenir fridge magnets. Unless she fucks that up too, in which case the past two years will all have been a massive waste of time.

Featured image via Scott Feldstein – Wikimedia

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John Shafthauer